Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Note to all followers...assuming you even read this crap! xD
I have decided to turn this into an official venting space. Anything I have of value to offer, stuff like rants and other randomness like that I'm putting in my new blog Questioning Hate. However I still plan to add onto this one whenever I'm feeling particularly angsty or have a poem or something that I feel like posting. Just thought I'd give you a heads up, this is becoming strictly basket-case space from now on!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Katy Perry is a Whore >_>
Once I can turn the radio on without rolling my eyes after five minutes, I think we will have reached a new era of progress. I’m not holding my breath though. That this day will come soon is doubtful. It seems as though all that mainstream music attempts to do is glorify superficiality, conformity and monotony; stealing beats the same way that Vanilla Ice ripped off Queen and splicing genuine inspiration with failed attempts at drollery or overly serious (and often egomaniacal) soliloquies. People are heavily influenced by the music playing in the background of their lives, and it suggests how they should perceive the world around them. The media is an oppressive and powerful tool structured to make money...not empower people. Knowing this makes it a little hard to expect that the music playing on the radio will be very progressive. Degradation and exploitation somehow became a lucrative art form.
Sometime last year though, I heard a song that took my inner cynic by complete surprise. It symbolized to me, at first, progress to the very definition. It was a song by a girl, Katy Perry, about kissing another girl. Hell, she even liked it! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not because I find it strange that girls kiss girls. I listen to songs with lesbian undertones all the time. I was surprised because of where the song was being played. It was a radio station dominated by songs demanding that females shake their asses and be possessed. I was stunned and thrilled by the apparent turnaround. I felt I was witnessing a landmark. Progress! The Russian pseudo-lesbian duo t.A.T.u. had been a bust, but here was their retribution. The gay community was finally being represented in mainstream media!
Unfortunately my exhilaration was short-lived. Upon listening more closely to the lyrics my relief turned to disgust. Perry was completely missing the point. She was not doing the gay community a favor in any way. Instead, she was reinforcing the same harmful stereotypes that have been scaring people away from an in-depth observation of homosexuality since the beginning. When people hear gay, what they think (assuming it’s not in a context meant to convey one’s contempt toward a thing’s apparent worthlessness) is sex…capital S. It’s not an exaggeration that when typing the word “lesbian” into a YouTube search, rather than finding progressive lesbian artists like Alix Olson or the Good Asian Drivers and valuable lesbian entertainers like Ellen Degeneres and Bridget McManus, YouTube presents us with pages and pages of pornography; videos with artistic titles such as “HOT LESBIAN SUPER SEX.”
“HOT LESBIAN SUPER SEX” is not a fair representation of my community. If my niece were to have questions one day about what it means that I am a lesbian, and rather than talking to me she relied on the media and mainstream interpretations of homosexuality to attempt a deeper understanding of it, she would be horrified and sadly mislead by the supposed information that she would uncover about the gay community. Most of the information floating around out there is not information at all, but rather biased and ignorant opinions or stereotypes. The focus on sex when the issue of homosexuality comes up is deeply detrimental to the general perceptions people have of the LGBT community. That homosexuals are human beings with the desire to be loved is often a factor that is overlooked in lieu of a perverse fascination with the sexual expression of love--a perverse fascination that Katy Perry is capitalizing off of. Not that there aren’t any superficial gays out there, one look at the character Shane on the L Word is proof enough of that, but the privacy of the members of the gay community is constantly violated. Knowing sexual things about people is typically an uncomfortable thing, so it’s not really surprising when people feel uneasy upon discovering that someone is gay. Many people feel they are automatically targeted as potential sex-interests, a presumptuous fallacy that came about because so many people are led to believe that there’s nothing genuinely emotional about homosexuality. What happens in a same-sex bedroom becomes the perverse focal point of most of the overly sheltered people who are confronted with homosexuality, due in large part to the effects of misleading mainstream portrayals of the gay community.
Songs like “I Kissed a Girl” don’t do anything to disassociate “gay” with inappropriate carnal desire. They reinforce the harmful assumption that to be gay doesn’t necessarily mean to be able to love someone of the same gender, which leaves the LGBT community in a light that portrays them as sexual deviants and guilty of sodomy (which is a term also related to the inexcusable act of turning animals into sexual objects) while dismissing the emotional aspects altogether. Katy Perry takes same-sex experimentation into the same field as anyone with ignorant assumptions about the gay community. She reduces her alleged feelings toward the same sex into nothing but carnal desire. In fact, she does everything she can not to acknowledge the fact that the girl she’s kissing might have legitimate feelings. Perry describes this girl as her “experimental game,” something that she just wants to “try on” and, presumably, be admired in.
There are a lot of dimensions (most of them overlooked by people like Katy Perry) that come with the territory of being a member of the LGBT community. I personally grew up in a small oppressive town where I couldn’t even take a girl to the prom if I wanted to. I was completely isolated from anybody that I could relate to (which isn’t one hundred percent due to being a lesbian but it definitely didn’t help) and, considering I was a particularly angst-filled teenager, it was nearly unbearable. It felt like no matter what, I wouldn’t be able to find happiness in a relationship that wasn’t hindered by barriers of every kind; extreme distance, familial opposition, and the distinct possibility of being a target for cruelty and violence.
My little sob story is nothing in comparison with the thousands of other stories out there told by less fortunate members of the gay community. Even so, the misery I experienced was real and is shared by countless others, which makes me wonder about the girl that Katy Perry targeted in her song. Was she someone like Perry, who uses alcohol as an excuse to do things that aren’t “what good girls do,” without having to take responsibility for them or deal with a few societal reprimands? Or was she someone like me, who had been forced to endure her adolescence locked inside of herself throughout the terrifying stages of self-discovery?
If Katy Perry’s “experimental game” was a legitimate member of the gay community, unless she was dismissive of emotional relationships it’s doubtful that she would brush off Perry’s advances as merely “human nature” and worth no further exploration. The victim of Perry’s saliva, if she is a lesbian, would more likely than not want the chance to develop some sort of connection with her. If this was a girl seeking a valid emotional relationship, it’s impossible to assume that she’d be able to dismiss that kind of attention, which might explain why Perry is so quick to state that she isn’t “in love tonight” and altogether avoid the complications that arise when you integrate sexuality with love, especially when it comes to the same sex. In fact, she belittles the concept of a relationship with the same gender by throwing in the fact that she has a boyfriend, and the time and physicality she invests in her “game” are never going to compare to what she considers a real relationship.
Assumptions like this are everywhere in the media. Shows like Nip/Tuck are constantly reversing the roles of women who proclaim they are lesbians or in strictly lesbian relationships and back track these statements with supposedly irresistible flings with men, making the label of “lesbian” appear to be nothing but temporary sexual insanity. It seems like nobody believes in the emotional validity of same sex relationships, and those that try fail when confronted with the choice between the same or the opposite sex. When it comes to lesbians, men absurdly are always still an option, most lesbians just need a good romp in the sack with the right guy. Hoping that her boyfriend won’t mind that she has objectified and used a woman in a sexual way while staying emotionally dedicated to him implies that there’s nothing about being with a woman that compares to being with a man in a socially acceptable relationship. (Ironically it’s more socially acceptable to cheat on your boyfriend with a girl than to be in a monogamous same-sex relationship.)
Katy Perry goes a step beyond this implication by dedicating an entire verse to objectifying women. It seems like a pathetic appeal and a veiled threat to straight men, maybe even directed at her boyfriend in a “Can you blame me?” attitude. She reinforces the assumption that many men have that it’s okay to see women initially for nothing but their physical traits. It’s an idea that these kinds of men will find sickeningly affirmed coming from a woman herself. At the same time though, she seems to be teasing the men, attempting to make them feel insecure and threatened by women and homosexuals and view them as further competition.
Katy Perry reduces same-sex experimentation into a superficial mockery and harmful emulation of the gay community. Her music, because it is popular, influences the way that people who learn how to live and act from MTV view and treat members of the gay community. There is no hope for a widespread acceptance of homosexuality if we keep allowing harmful generalizations to persist. A small way that we can help is by spreading awareness and boycotting harmful portrayals of the gay community by the media (like, for example, Katy Perry’s song) and working to disassociate homosexuality with sexual deviancy and perversion. The cheapening and exploitation of homosexual lifestyles has got to stop. The only difference between homo and heterosexuals is in an arena that shouldn’t be scrutinized by the public anyway. It is essential that homosexuals become acknowledged as people as opposed to the sexual objects that Katy Perry implies that they are.
Sometime last year though, I heard a song that took my inner cynic by complete surprise. It symbolized to me, at first, progress to the very definition. It was a song by a girl, Katy Perry, about kissing another girl. Hell, she even liked it! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not because I find it strange that girls kiss girls. I listen to songs with lesbian undertones all the time. I was surprised because of where the song was being played. It was a radio station dominated by songs demanding that females shake their asses and be possessed. I was stunned and thrilled by the apparent turnaround. I felt I was witnessing a landmark. Progress! The Russian pseudo-lesbian duo t.A.T.u. had been a bust, but here was their retribution. The gay community was finally being represented in mainstream media!
Unfortunately my exhilaration was short-lived. Upon listening more closely to the lyrics my relief turned to disgust. Perry was completely missing the point. She was not doing the gay community a favor in any way. Instead, she was reinforcing the same harmful stereotypes that have been scaring people away from an in-depth observation of homosexuality since the beginning. When people hear gay, what they think (assuming it’s not in a context meant to convey one’s contempt toward a thing’s apparent worthlessness) is sex…capital S. It’s not an exaggeration that when typing the word “lesbian” into a YouTube search, rather than finding progressive lesbian artists like Alix Olson or the Good Asian Drivers and valuable lesbian entertainers like Ellen Degeneres and Bridget McManus, YouTube presents us with pages and pages of pornography; videos with artistic titles such as “HOT LESBIAN SUPER SEX.”
“HOT LESBIAN SUPER SEX” is not a fair representation of my community. If my niece were to have questions one day about what it means that I am a lesbian, and rather than talking to me she relied on the media and mainstream interpretations of homosexuality to attempt a deeper understanding of it, she would be horrified and sadly mislead by the supposed information that she would uncover about the gay community. Most of the information floating around out there is not information at all, but rather biased and ignorant opinions or stereotypes. The focus on sex when the issue of homosexuality comes up is deeply detrimental to the general perceptions people have of the LGBT community. That homosexuals are human beings with the desire to be loved is often a factor that is overlooked in lieu of a perverse fascination with the sexual expression of love--a perverse fascination that Katy Perry is capitalizing off of. Not that there aren’t any superficial gays out there, one look at the character Shane on the L Word is proof enough of that, but the privacy of the members of the gay community is constantly violated. Knowing sexual things about people is typically an uncomfortable thing, so it’s not really surprising when people feel uneasy upon discovering that someone is gay. Many people feel they are automatically targeted as potential sex-interests, a presumptuous fallacy that came about because so many people are led to believe that there’s nothing genuinely emotional about homosexuality. What happens in a same-sex bedroom becomes the perverse focal point of most of the overly sheltered people who are confronted with homosexuality, due in large part to the effects of misleading mainstream portrayals of the gay community.
Songs like “I Kissed a Girl” don’t do anything to disassociate “gay” with inappropriate carnal desire. They reinforce the harmful assumption that to be gay doesn’t necessarily mean to be able to love someone of the same gender, which leaves the LGBT community in a light that portrays them as sexual deviants and guilty of sodomy (which is a term also related to the inexcusable act of turning animals into sexual objects) while dismissing the emotional aspects altogether. Katy Perry takes same-sex experimentation into the same field as anyone with ignorant assumptions about the gay community. She reduces her alleged feelings toward the same sex into nothing but carnal desire. In fact, she does everything she can not to acknowledge the fact that the girl she’s kissing might have legitimate feelings. Perry describes this girl as her “experimental game,” something that she just wants to “try on” and, presumably, be admired in.
There are a lot of dimensions (most of them overlooked by people like Katy Perry) that come with the territory of being a member of the LGBT community. I personally grew up in a small oppressive town where I couldn’t even take a girl to the prom if I wanted to. I was completely isolated from anybody that I could relate to (which isn’t one hundred percent due to being a lesbian but it definitely didn’t help) and, considering I was a particularly angst-filled teenager, it was nearly unbearable. It felt like no matter what, I wouldn’t be able to find happiness in a relationship that wasn’t hindered by barriers of every kind; extreme distance, familial opposition, and the distinct possibility of being a target for cruelty and violence.
My little sob story is nothing in comparison with the thousands of other stories out there told by less fortunate members of the gay community. Even so, the misery I experienced was real and is shared by countless others, which makes me wonder about the girl that Katy Perry targeted in her song. Was she someone like Perry, who uses alcohol as an excuse to do things that aren’t “what good girls do,” without having to take responsibility for them or deal with a few societal reprimands? Or was she someone like me, who had been forced to endure her adolescence locked inside of herself throughout the terrifying stages of self-discovery?
If Katy Perry’s “experimental game” was a legitimate member of the gay community, unless she was dismissive of emotional relationships it’s doubtful that she would brush off Perry’s advances as merely “human nature” and worth no further exploration. The victim of Perry’s saliva, if she is a lesbian, would more likely than not want the chance to develop some sort of connection with her. If this was a girl seeking a valid emotional relationship, it’s impossible to assume that she’d be able to dismiss that kind of attention, which might explain why Perry is so quick to state that she isn’t “in love tonight” and altogether avoid the complications that arise when you integrate sexuality with love, especially when it comes to the same sex. In fact, she belittles the concept of a relationship with the same gender by throwing in the fact that she has a boyfriend, and the time and physicality she invests in her “game” are never going to compare to what she considers a real relationship.
Assumptions like this are everywhere in the media. Shows like Nip/Tuck are constantly reversing the roles of women who proclaim they are lesbians or in strictly lesbian relationships and back track these statements with supposedly irresistible flings with men, making the label of “lesbian” appear to be nothing but temporary sexual insanity. It seems like nobody believes in the emotional validity of same sex relationships, and those that try fail when confronted with the choice between the same or the opposite sex. When it comes to lesbians, men absurdly are always still an option, most lesbians just need a good romp in the sack with the right guy. Hoping that her boyfriend won’t mind that she has objectified and used a woman in a sexual way while staying emotionally dedicated to him implies that there’s nothing about being with a woman that compares to being with a man in a socially acceptable relationship. (Ironically it’s more socially acceptable to cheat on your boyfriend with a girl than to be in a monogamous same-sex relationship.)
Katy Perry goes a step beyond this implication by dedicating an entire verse to objectifying women. It seems like a pathetic appeal and a veiled threat to straight men, maybe even directed at her boyfriend in a “Can you blame me?” attitude. She reinforces the assumption that many men have that it’s okay to see women initially for nothing but their physical traits. It’s an idea that these kinds of men will find sickeningly affirmed coming from a woman herself. At the same time though, she seems to be teasing the men, attempting to make them feel insecure and threatened by women and homosexuals and view them as further competition.
Katy Perry reduces same-sex experimentation into a superficial mockery and harmful emulation of the gay community. Her music, because it is popular, influences the way that people who learn how to live and act from MTV view and treat members of the gay community. There is no hope for a widespread acceptance of homosexuality if we keep allowing harmful generalizations to persist. A small way that we can help is by spreading awareness and boycotting harmful portrayals of the gay community by the media (like, for example, Katy Perry’s song) and working to disassociate homosexuality with sexual deviancy and perversion. The cheapening and exploitation of homosexual lifestyles has got to stop. The only difference between homo and heterosexuals is in an arena that shouldn’t be scrutinized by the public anyway. It is essential that homosexuals become acknowledged as people as opposed to the sexual objects that Katy Perry implies that they are.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
blahblahblah
So, things have changed a bit since I last frequented this cyber domain. I'm not sure where to start, it's not as though I've improved or deteriorated in any way whatsoever, but my approach to things has become altered, and I'm trying to be as forgiving and open minded to myself and others as I can. Oh, Ghost Whisperer is on... I'm thinking I may finish this later. Or not. Depends on my mood. Just thought I'd note that life is in constant transition...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred
I figured I'd make an entry for June since I haven't yet, however there's really not a lot to talk about which is why I haven't really had much to write. That does make sense I assume. I don't care either way, honestly. I just wanted to kind of fill a void that I actually have control over soooo.... that's what I guess I'm doing!
So.
Yeah.
How you doin'?
So.
Yeah.
How you doin'?
Monday, May 11, 2009
My new favorite game...
My friend Kim and I were talking when I couldn't sleep tonight and this is part of the result...
I thought it was cool and I think we should do it more often! :P
[03:06] evil_kimberly: so what are you doing then?
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: just browsing haha
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I was thinking about writing but I am way too out of it
[03:07] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:07] evil_kimberly: when i feel like writing but im "out of it" in some way
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: this is where I have my writing program so it's not a big deal that there's nothing to watch or listen to
[03:08] evil_kimberly: i just start to write, and rant
[03:08] evil_kimberly: an let whatever surfaces come out
[03:09] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha I tried that before I tried going to sleep... the result is fucking stupid me venting about my stupid life because I'm too stupid to fix the shit I hate about myself xD
[03:09] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:09] evil_kimberly: so just pick another subject to start you off with
[03:09] evil_kimberly: something simple
[03:09] evil_kimberly: something random
[03:09] evil_kimberly: give me a paragraph right now about....
[03:09] evil_kimberly: hmmm...
[03:09] evil_kimberly: the word FLOWER
[03:12] evil_kimberly: http://www.thetruthaboutgrammar.com/ (just found this)
[03:12] mutilated_barbie_corpse: It reminds me of vagina because everyone seems to think that flowers are symbolic of femininity which it utter fucking CRAP. I have no idea who came up with that but it was probably some perverted old guy like freud who saw a cunt in EVERYTHING. It's not that I have a problem with associating a beautiful thing like a flower with a beautiful thing like Angelina Jolie's Vajayjay, but I really fucking hate it when any artist who tries to capture the purity of nature gets hailed with criticism claiming that said artist (case in point, Georgia O'Keef) is obsessed with the female sexual organ when really, the woman Just. Likes. Flowers.
[03:13] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:13] evil_kimberly: nice
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: that was nice...
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I feel better
[03:13] evil_kimberly: this fun
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha
[03:13] evil_kimberly: lol...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: hmmm...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: next word...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:14] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:14] evil_kimberly: still thinking...
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha you want me to give you one?
[03:14] evil_kimberly: idk
[03:14] evil_kimberly: i'm tired lol
[03:14] evil_kimberly: we can try
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha okay
[03:14] evil_kimberly: tho i doubt it will sound anywhere near intelligent
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: My word.... Mayonnaise...
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: No worries
[03:14] evil_kimberly: oh jesus
[03:15] mutilated_barbie_corpse: bahaha!
[03:17] evil_kimberly: Mayonnaise... when i was kid i hated mayonnaise... just the word kind of sounds disgusting. like something that be expelled from your nose. over time someone introduced me to a cheeseburger with more than just cheese on it - mayo & ketchup. it was thee most delicious thing i had ever eaten (up to that point.) so i started eating all my cheeseburgers with mayo and ketchup. well that was 5 years ago. today... i can barely stand the taste of mayo on anything anymore. which really ruined a lot of good sandwiches...
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse: hahaha
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I hate it too
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse:
[03:18] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:18] evil_kimberly: ok
[03:18] evil_kimberly: your word is...
[03:19] evil_kimberly: MCDONALD'S
[03:19] evil_kimberly:
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: O.O
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: oh god
[03:19] evil_kimberly: hehehe
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: ya wanna come back in like 3 hours? I'll have about 120 pages for you
[03:19] evil_kimberly: lol ummm
[03:24] mutilated_barbie_corpse: OKAY. So when I was in CBI I had to get a cunt ass job that pays cunt ass money that was supervised by cunt ass people. I hated every second of it because of the thousand and one ways that contributing to the self indulgent and mindless consumerism of america and the slaughter of a ridiculous amount of animals compromised everything I've ever stood for. Killing animals=bad. Frying up their animal-parts and serving them to obese children at the cost of my soul and a slave-worker's paycheck=bad. Submitting to cunt ass employers who also happened to be homophobic=BAD. So... I decided that I would let myself get fired because if I quit without another job I'd probably get kicked out of CBI and so I did and the world made sense again, until I realized how many other people still refuse to see through their corporate greed even after seeing supersize me....
[03:24] mutilated_barbie_corpse: aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnd the end
Haha... resorting to the word cunt is not always the best solution but I am tired and I vent how I will! No regrets! xD
I thought it was cool and I think we should do it more often! :P
[03:06] evil_kimberly: so what are you doing then?
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: just browsing haha
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I was thinking about writing but I am way too out of it
[03:07] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:07] evil_kimberly: when i feel like writing but im "out of it" in some way
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: this is where I have my writing program so it's not a big deal that there's nothing to watch or listen to
[03:08] evil_kimberly: i just start to write, and rant
[03:08] evil_kimberly: an let whatever surfaces come out
[03:09] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha I tried that before I tried going to sleep... the result is fucking stupid me venting about my stupid life because I'm too stupid to fix the shit I hate about myself xD
[03:09] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:09] evil_kimberly: so just pick another subject to start you off with
[03:09] evil_kimberly: something simple
[03:09] evil_kimberly: something random
[03:09] evil_kimberly: give me a paragraph right now about....
[03:09] evil_kimberly: hmmm...
[03:09] evil_kimberly: the word FLOWER
[03:12] evil_kimberly: http://www.thetruthaboutgrammar.com/ (just found this)
[03:12] mutilated_barbie_corpse: It reminds me of vagina because everyone seems to think that flowers are symbolic of femininity which it utter fucking CRAP. I have no idea who came up with that but it was probably some perverted old guy like freud who saw a cunt in EVERYTHING. It's not that I have a problem with associating a beautiful thing like a flower with a beautiful thing like Angelina Jolie's Vajayjay, but I really fucking hate it when any artist who tries to capture the purity of nature gets hailed with criticism claiming that said artist (case in point, Georgia O'Keef) is obsessed with the female sexual organ when really, the woman Just. Likes. Flowers.
[03:13] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:13] evil_kimberly: nice
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: that was nice...
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I feel better
[03:13] evil_kimberly: this fun
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha
[03:13] evil_kimberly: lol...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: hmmm...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: next word...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:14] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:14] evil_kimberly: still thinking...
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha you want me to give you one?
[03:14] evil_kimberly: idk
[03:14] evil_kimberly: i'm tired lol
[03:14] evil_kimberly: we can try
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha okay
[03:14] evil_kimberly: tho i doubt it will sound anywhere near intelligent
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: My word.... Mayonnaise...
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: No worries
[03:14] evil_kimberly: oh jesus
[03:15] mutilated_barbie_corpse: bahaha!
[03:17] evil_kimberly: Mayonnaise... when i was kid i hated mayonnaise... just the word kind of sounds disgusting. like something that be expelled from your nose. over time someone introduced me to a cheeseburger with more than just cheese on it - mayo & ketchup. it was thee most delicious thing i had ever eaten (up to that point.) so i started eating all my cheeseburgers with mayo and ketchup. well that was 5 years ago. today... i can barely stand the taste of mayo on anything anymore. which really ruined a lot of good sandwiches...
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse: hahaha
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I hate it too
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse:
[03:18] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:18] evil_kimberly: ok
[03:18] evil_kimberly: your word is...
[03:19] evil_kimberly: MCDONALD'S
[03:19] evil_kimberly:
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: O.O
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: oh god
[03:19] evil_kimberly: hehehe
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: ya wanna come back in like 3 hours? I'll have about 120 pages for you
[03:19] evil_kimberly: lol ummm
[03:24] mutilated_barbie_corpse: OKAY. So when I was in CBI I had to get a cunt ass job that pays cunt ass money that was supervised by cunt ass people. I hated every second of it because of the thousand and one ways that contributing to the self indulgent and mindless consumerism of america and the slaughter of a ridiculous amount of animals compromised everything I've ever stood for. Killing animals=bad. Frying up their animal-parts and serving them to obese children at the cost of my soul and a slave-worker's paycheck=bad. Submitting to cunt ass employers who also happened to be homophobic=BAD. So... I decided that I would let myself get fired because if I quit without another job I'd probably get kicked out of CBI and so I did and the world made sense again, until I realized how many other people still refuse to see through their corporate greed even after seeing supersize me....
[03:24] mutilated_barbie_corpse: aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnd the end
Haha... resorting to the word cunt is not always the best solution but I am tired and I vent how I will! No regrets! xD
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Ugh, and I repeat... UGH.
For some reason I only blog when something is bothering me. This makes for a semi-depressing series of reads. Or so it seems. Unless you hate me and relish in the expression of my inner-turmoil. If this is the case then you are a masochist and I must politely insist that you direct yourself away from my blog. Spank you very much.
-.-
Aaaaaannnnywho.
I can't stand myself right now. I'm so like...gah. I don't even know what the word would be. I hurt in my heart and I think I'm the only cause. I hate it. I'm thinking that there are a thousand and twelve things I could do to improve my life and feel better about myself but for the life of me all I can do is obsess over the things that are over my head. I mean, isn't that what's called being human? Sure it is... but...well... I'm not happy with that. I want my humanity to consist of substance and productivity, yet all I can do is blog whenever I kick myself in the teeth! I don't understand and seriously doubt my ability to really go in a positive direction by myself. True independence is a foreign concept. I could do well but only with someone else's help.
Psht.
Isn't that the most pathetic lump of crap that you've ever heard in your life???????
I can't stand this alone place anymore, I just wish it would... I don't know, drop off the face of the earth and teach me how to stop building self-destructive barriers. I isolate myself from humanity then on off-days honestly sit bewildered in some corner wondering how it is that I'm alone. And on others, I actually pity the people with other people in their lives, crediting it to an unemancipated herd mentality that I lack through some blessed twist of fate. What the hell is wrong with me? What's so wrong with a little human contact? I'm not better without it than I am with it, at least with it I find a way to entertain myself and things to hate other than myself.
Bah.
I give up a lot of things that could make me happen. I'm perversely adamant about pursuing my own destruction. WHAT THE HELL???
And when I do have some sort of inkling to head in the right direction, something a thousand times beyond my control intervenes and snatches my ability to attain my goal right out from my clenched fists. Fhfshgefiugvfuredaviibufdvgfugbuiabiajbkhgvbiua huiaehfi uqehfi9quw hfdui hgvbr jdlbsdkahfiqjsahfi ahsgha ;dfga;.
That's what I think of that.
-.-
Aaaaaannnnywho.
I can't stand myself right now. I'm so like...gah. I don't even know what the word would be. I hurt in my heart and I think I'm the only cause. I hate it. I'm thinking that there are a thousand and twelve things I could do to improve my life and feel better about myself but for the life of me all I can do is obsess over the things that are over my head. I mean, isn't that what's called being human? Sure it is... but...well... I'm not happy with that. I want my humanity to consist of substance and productivity, yet all I can do is blog whenever I kick myself in the teeth! I don't understand and seriously doubt my ability to really go in a positive direction by myself. True independence is a foreign concept. I could do well but only with someone else's help.
Psht.
Isn't that the most pathetic lump of crap that you've ever heard in your life???????
I can't stand this alone place anymore, I just wish it would... I don't know, drop off the face of the earth and teach me how to stop building self-destructive barriers. I isolate myself from humanity then on off-days honestly sit bewildered in some corner wondering how it is that I'm alone. And on others, I actually pity the people with other people in their lives, crediting it to an unemancipated herd mentality that I lack through some blessed twist of fate. What the hell is wrong with me? What's so wrong with a little human contact? I'm not better without it than I am with it, at least with it I find a way to entertain myself and things to hate other than myself.
Bah.
I give up a lot of things that could make me happen. I'm perversely adamant about pursuing my own destruction. WHAT THE HELL???
And when I do have some sort of inkling to head in the right direction, something a thousand times beyond my control intervenes and snatches my ability to attain my goal right out from my clenched fists. Fhfshgefiugvfuredaviibufdvgfugbuiabiajbkhgvbiua huiaehfi uqehfi9quw hfdui hgvbr jdlbsdkahfiqjsahfi ahsgha ;dfga;.
That's what I think of that.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Don't know what's wrong with me!!!!!!!
I know better.
But here I sit as the rain pours over each wound.
Lost in an oblivion full of truths and awakenings, each behind a wall I can't climb.
I see you through the glass, you stare blankly at my tortured eyes, and all I can do is turn away, shattered.
I will your embrace to meet mine halfway but alone we remain, trapped in a frame.
Picture perfect with nowhere to go, nothing to say, no way to find you.
But under the kiln a fragment of you remains, jagged and beautiful, broken and the most perfect thing I have ever known.
Even though I know better.
Forget everything else, I just want tonight to be what it had been before suffering in you became the norm.
Just give me obsession, grant me the lesson learned when one knows not to give up.
Let go with these easy leaves in the breezy spring even though I will still hold you close.
My soul is never my own.
I don't know how many I hold but bedtime is never soon enough, my eyes won't close when I dread missing out on your love, on you, love.
What good is in this when all that I do is miss you?
But here I sit as the rain pours over each wound.
Lost in an oblivion full of truths and awakenings, each behind a wall I can't climb.
I see you through the glass, you stare blankly at my tortured eyes, and all I can do is turn away, shattered.
I will your embrace to meet mine halfway but alone we remain, trapped in a frame.
Picture perfect with nowhere to go, nothing to say, no way to find you.
But under the kiln a fragment of you remains, jagged and beautiful, broken and the most perfect thing I have ever known.
Even though I know better.
Forget everything else, I just want tonight to be what it had been before suffering in you became the norm.
Just give me obsession, grant me the lesson learned when one knows not to give up.
Let go with these easy leaves in the breezy spring even though I will still hold you close.
My soul is never my own.
I don't know how many I hold but bedtime is never soon enough, my eyes won't close when I dread missing out on your love, on you, love.
What good is in this when all that I do is miss you?
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