Ugh, and I repeat... UGH.

For some reason I only blog when something is bothering me. This makes for a semi-depressing series of reads. Or so it seems. Unless you hate me and relish in the expression of my inner-turmoil. If this is the case then you are a masochist and I must politely insist that you direct yourself away from my blog. Spank you very much.
-.-
Aaaaaannnnywho.
I can't stand myself right now. I'm so like...gah. I don't even know what the word would be. I hurt in my heart and I think I'm the only cause. I hate it. I'm thinking that there are a thousand and twelve things I could do to improve my life and feel better about myself but for the life of me all I can do is obsess over the things that are over my head. I mean, isn't that what's called being human? Sure it is... but...well... I'm not happy with that. I want my humanity to consist of substance and productivity, yet all I can do is blog whenever I kick myself in the teeth! I don't understand and seriously doubt my ability to really go in a positive direction by myself. True independence is a foreign concept. I could do well but only with someone else's help.
Psht.
Isn't that the most pathetic lump of crap that you've ever heard in your life???????
I can't stand this alone place anymore, I just wish it would... I don't know, drop off the face of the earth and teach me how to stop building self-destructive barriers. I isolate myself from humanity then on off-days honestly sit bewildered in some corner wondering how it is that I'm alone. And on others, I actually pity the people with other people in their lives, crediting it to an unemancipated herd mentality that I lack through some blessed twist of fate. What the hell is wrong with me? What's so wrong with a little human contact? I'm not better without it than I am with it, at least with it I find a way to entertain myself and things to hate other than myself.
Bah.
I give up a lot of things that could make me happen. I'm perversely adamant about pursuing my own destruction. WHAT THE HELL???
And when I do have some sort of inkling to head in the right direction, something a thousand times beyond my control intervenes and snatches my ability to attain my goal right out from my clenched fists. Fhfshgefiugvfuredaviibufdvgfugbuiabiajbkhgvbiua huiaehfi uqehfi9quw hfdui hgvbr jdlbsdkahfiqjsahfi ahsgha ;dfga;.
That's what I think of that.