blahblahblah

So, things have changed a bit since I last frequented this cyber domain. I'm not sure where to start, it's not as though I've improved or deteriorated in any way whatsoever, but my approach to things has become altered, and I'm trying to be as forgiving and open minded to myself and others as I can. Oh, Ghost Whisperer is on... I'm thinking I may finish this later. Or not. Depends on my mood. Just thought I'd note that life is in constant transition...

Borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred

I figured I'd make an entry for June since I haven't yet, however there's really not a lot to talk about which is why I haven't really had much to write. That does make sense I assume. I don't care either way, honestly. I just wanted to kind of fill a void that I actually have control over soooo.... that's what I guess I'm doing!

So.
Yeah.
How you doin'?

My new favorite game...

My friend Kim and I were talking when I couldn't sleep tonight and this is part of the result...
I thought it was cool and I think we should do it more often! :P

[03:06] evil_kimberly: so what are you doing then?
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: just browsing haha
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I was thinking about writing but I am way too out of it
[03:07] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:07] evil_kimberly: when i feel like writing but im "out of it" in some way
[03:07] mutilated_barbie_corpse: this is where I have my writing program so it's not a big deal that there's nothing to watch or listen to
[03:08] evil_kimberly: i just start to write, and rant
[03:08] evil_kimberly: an let whatever surfaces come out
[03:09] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha I tried that before I tried going to sleep... the result is fucking stupid me venting about my stupid life because I'm too stupid to fix the shit I hate about myself xD
[03:09] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:09] evil_kimberly: so just pick another subject to start you off with
[03:09] evil_kimberly: something simple
[03:09] evil_kimberly: something random
[03:09] evil_kimberly: give me a paragraph right now about....
[03:09] evil_kimberly: hmmm...
[03:09] evil_kimberly: the word FLOWER
[03:12] evil_kimberly: http://www.thetruthaboutgrammar.com/ (just found this)
[03:12] mutilated_barbie_corpse: It reminds me of vagina because everyone seems to think that flowers are symbolic of femininity which it utter fucking CRAP. I have no idea who came up with that but it was probably some perverted old guy like freud who saw a cunt in EVERYTHING. It's not that I have a problem with associating a beautiful thing like a flower with a beautiful thing like Angelina Jolie's Vajayjay, but I really fucking hate it when any artist who tries to capture the purity of nature gets hailed with criticism claiming that said artist (case in point, Georgia O'Keef) is obsessed with the female sexual organ when really, the woman Just. Likes. Flowers.
[03:13] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:13] evil_kimberly: nice
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: that was nice...
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I feel better
[03:13] evil_kimberly: this fun
[03:13] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha
[03:13] evil_kimberly: lol...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: hmmm...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: next word...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:13] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:14] evil_kimberly: ...
[03:14] evil_kimberly: still thinking...
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha you want me to give you one?
[03:14] evil_kimberly: idk
[03:14] evil_kimberly: i'm tired lol
[03:14] evil_kimberly: we can try
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: haha okay
[03:14] evil_kimberly: tho i doubt it will sound anywhere near intelligent
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: My word.... Mayonnaise...
[03:14] mutilated_barbie_corpse: No worries
[03:14] evil_kimberly: oh jesus
[03:15] mutilated_barbie_corpse: bahaha!
[03:17] evil_kimberly: Mayonnaise... when i was kid i hated mayonnaise... just the word kind of sounds disgusting. like something that be expelled from your nose. over time someone introduced me to a cheeseburger with more than just cheese on it - mayo & ketchup. it was thee most delicious thing i had ever eaten (up to that point.) so i started eating all my cheeseburgers with mayo and ketchup. well that was 5 years ago. today... i can barely stand the taste of mayo on anything anymore. which really ruined a lot of good sandwiches...
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse: hahaha
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse: I hate it too
[03:18] mutilated_barbie_corpse:
[03:18] evil_kimberly: lol
[03:18] evil_kimberly: ok
[03:18] evil_kimberly: your word is...
[03:19] evil_kimberly: MCDONALD'S
[03:19] evil_kimberly:
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: O.O
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: oh god
[03:19] evil_kimberly: hehehe
[03:19] mutilated_barbie_corpse: ya wanna come back in like 3 hours? I'll have about 120 pages for you
[03:19] evil_kimberly: lol ummm
[03:24] mutilated_barbie_corpse: OKAY. So when I was in CBI I had to get a cunt ass job that pays cunt ass money that was supervised by cunt ass people. I hated every second of it because of the thousand and one ways that contributing to the self indulgent and mindless consumerism of america and the slaughter of a ridiculous amount of animals compromised everything I've ever stood for. Killing animals=bad. Frying up their animal-parts and serving them to obese children at the cost of my soul and a slave-worker's paycheck=bad. Submitting to cunt ass employers who also happened to be homophobic=BAD. So... I decided that I would let myself get fired because if I quit without another job I'd probably get kicked out of CBI and so I did and the world made sense again, until I realized how many other people still refuse to see through their corporate greed even after seeing supersize me....
[03:24] mutilated_barbie_corpse: aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnd the end


Haha... resorting to the word cunt is not always the best solution but I am tired and I vent how I will! No regrets! xD

Ugh, and I repeat... UGH.

For some reason I only blog when something is bothering me. This makes for a semi-depressing series of reads. Or so it seems. Unless you hate me and relish in the expression of my inner-turmoil. If this is the case then you are a masochist and I must politely insist that you direct yourself away from my blog. Spank you very much.
-.-
Aaaaaannnnywho.
I can't stand myself right now. I'm so like...gah. I don't even know what the word would be. I hurt in my heart and I think I'm the only cause. I hate it. I'm thinking that there are a thousand and twelve things I could do to improve my life and feel better about myself but for the life of me all I can do is obsess over the things that are over my head. I mean, isn't that what's called being human? Sure it is... but...well... I'm not happy with that. I want my humanity to consist of substance and productivity, yet all I can do is blog whenever I kick myself in the teeth! I don't understand and seriously doubt my ability to really go in a positive direction by myself. True independence is a foreign concept. I could do well but only with someone else's help.
Psht.
Isn't that the most pathetic lump of crap that you've ever heard in your life???????
I can't stand this alone place anymore, I just wish it would... I don't know, drop off the face of the earth and teach me how to stop building self-destructive barriers. I isolate myself from humanity then on off-days honestly sit bewildered in some corner wondering how it is that I'm alone. And on others, I actually pity the people with other people in their lives, crediting it to an unemancipated herd mentality that I lack through some blessed twist of fate. What the hell is wrong with me? What's so wrong with a little human contact? I'm not better without it than I am with it, at least with it I find a way to entertain myself and things to hate other than myself.
Bah.
I give up a lot of things that could make me happen. I'm perversely adamant about pursuing my own destruction. WHAT THE HELL???
And when I do have some sort of inkling to head in the right direction, something a thousand times beyond my control intervenes and snatches my ability to attain my goal right out from my clenched fists. Fhfshgefiugvfuredaviibufdvgfugbuiabiajbkhgvbiua huiaehfi uqehfi9quw hfdui hgvbr jdlbsdkahfiqjsahfi ahsgha ;dfga;.
That's what I think of that.

Don't know what's wrong with me!!!!!!!

I know better.
But here I sit as the rain pours over each wound.
Lost in an oblivion full of truths and awakenings, each behind a wall I can't climb.
I see you through the glass, you stare blankly at my tortured eyes, and all I can do is turn away, shattered.
I will your embrace to meet mine halfway but alone we remain, trapped in a frame.
Picture perfect with nowhere to go, nothing to say, no way to find you.
But under the kiln a fragment of you remains, jagged and beautiful, broken and the most perfect thing I have ever known.
Even though I know better.
Forget everything else, I just want tonight to be what it had been before suffering in you became the norm.
Just give me obsession, grant me the lesson learned when one knows not to give up.
Let go with these easy leaves in the breezy spring even though I will still hold you close.
My soul is never my own.
I don't know how many I hold but bedtime is never soon enough, my eyes won't close when I dread missing out on your love, on you, love.
What good is in this when all that I do is miss you?

Uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Ok. Tired. Almost 5AM. Brother's compulsive need for television woke me up from the sleep meant to cure my mental, physical, emotional fatigue and illness...cure light wounds, cure deep wounds... but... Awake. Now I am Awake.
Just how this is possible is not actually possible to comprehend. So tired. In fact, must make me more miserable than I've been in a while. Sick. So sick. And tired. I am sick and tired. I am expired. And yet... I am Awake.
Evil Awake.
Hate you.
Hate this place.
Not mine, not even my face.
This face, too faux, a faux face screaming of awareness...screaming Awake.
I am not Awake.
I am miserable.
On Autopilot.
Not Awake.
Six years old not 21.
See?
Faux face.
Sick and tired and sick and sick and sick. Bit the bullet and it blew off my tongue, blew up my mouth, blew me into a faux Awake.
Glad to have let you in on this state.

Oh my god...figures. xD

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test...

Outcast Genius

70 % Nerd, 61% Geek, 57% Dork

For The Record:



A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.



You scored better than half in all three, earning you the title of: Outcast Genius.



Outcast geniuses usually are bright enough to understand what society wants of them, and they just don't care! They are highly intelligent and passionate about the things they know are *truly* important in the world. Typically, this does not include sports, cars or make-up, but it can on occassion (and if it does then they know more than all of their friends combined in that subject).



Outcast geniuses can be very lonely, due to their being outcast from most normal groups and too smart for the room among many other types of dorks and geeks, but they can also be the types to eventually rule the world, ala Bill Gates, the prototypical Outcast Genius.



Congratulations!



Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:



Buffy the Vampire Slayer




Professional Wrestling






Love & Sexuality




America/Politics




Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Take The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test at HelloQuizzy